Jacobson's Apothecary

Jacobson's Apothecary is a catalogue of sour home remedies. It's also an ode to my Mom—affectionately, the "witchdoctor". These common cures for common folk include such local medical miracles as:

• Nettles Regurgitant, made by magpies
• Sassafrass Smelling Salts, from the Great Salt Lake, brine shrimp free
• Viper Vaccine, available by the drop
• Quince Flatulence Quieter, offering discrete relief, only 70¢ per cube
• Honey Locust Lotion, with black licorice and chicory extract
• Epazote Con Agave, guaranteed Mexican-strength but beware—contents are flammable
• the beesting-strong Prickly Pear Expectorant is aged two years
• Pennyroyal Poultice, cures a shocking range of maladies: from consumption to avian flu
• Poison Ivy Ointment, for when you been playin' where you weren't s'posed to be
• the good as gooseberries Baby's Tears Balm & Thistle Tonic costs only 14¢/oz.
• Great Basin Vapors and Chloroform, a mere 38¢ per squirt
• The Original Milkweed Linimint, still curing rashes

Look for an updated catalogue in 2010. With the distillery on-site, these all-natural remedies come with a certified "Real-Good" Guarantee.